Our vet drives a porsche. See horse for details.

(This little ditty is available from Back in the Saddle.)

I feel like I should own this (or own up to it) and display it proudly on my front door step.

Angel is quite frankly the most accident prone animal that has ever lived...and lived to tell about it, too! I've had her nearly 13 years and this is just a sampling of what she's done:

1. She tore her left front tendon.
2. She had a reaction to a bad rhino flu shot.
3. Said reaction^^ caused her to founder so badly she seedy toed.
4. She fell through an ice covered pond.
5. She fell into a ditch, with me on her!
6. She got loose once and caught in a rope - major rope burn.
7. She slipped on ice and broke her knees open.
8. She jumped the pasture fence, landed on asphalt and re-broke open her knees.
9. She got her foot stuck under the manger (the wall at the front of a horse trailer), on the way to a horse show.
10. She's colicked twice.
11. Been cast once in her stall.
12. At one point while rehabbing took her swimming, she reared up and cracked her head on the ceiling.
13. Another time while backing out the horse trailer she slipped and cracked her head again.
14. Got stung in the eye and nearly lost said eye.
15. Last March she suffered a sacroiliac injury to her back, which has promptly put her into full retirement.

Who does these things? I've had Sancho for 10+ years and I can only think of the one time when he needed the vet.

Angel's most recent vet emergency occurred on July 14, 2009. I had gone down to the barn to feed at 7:30AM and who meets me at the barn door? Angel. Let me say, my heart went straight to my stomach. Apparently she had been out all night and ate a 60# bale of hay and 25#'s of grain. Immediately I called the vet and of course they don't start answering their phones until 8am, and I knew I couldn't waste a second so I called Lee, my neighbor.

"Hi, quick question, if a horse is possibly foundering, you want to hose their feet with cold water, right?" (I honestly couldn't remember if that was true or a myth. I had started to prior to calling Lee and got to thinking if it was a myth, I could be doing permanent damage.)

"Well they say the best thing to do is stand them in a stream or in deep wet mud that covers their hooves. Why?"
.
.
.
Before I could do anything, my vet called me back and told me to have Angel stand in a tub of water and add ice if I could. Dr H made it out around 11:30, checked her feet (cool), checked for a digital pulse (none), checked her heart rate (normal if not below normal), and checked her hind gut (good). He then had me put her back in her stall while he put her under so that he could pass a 5' hose through her nose and into her stomach where he then pumped her full of mineral oil. And putting her under did nothing to stop her from throwing a full on hissy fit. Typical, just let me say, TYPICAL. Even Dr H had to look at me and say, "Are you serious?" I just apologized - profusely. Nothing liked being slammed into walls and dragged around a stall by a drugged up, pissed off Thoroughbred mare. You would even think that acting out so strongly would take energy away from her and make her more relaxed and sleepy. Nope.

Since July Angel's been good (*knock on wood*). She doesn't kick her stall walls nearly as much as she used to, actually I think her arthritis makes it too difficult and painful for her. While I hate to see her stiff and sore, I am grateful for the peace and quiet that has fallen over my barn.

My only problem lies in her sacroiliac injury (SI). There are days that she gets around great and appears to be 100% sound, and there are other days that she hurts so bad she won't come out of her stall. I worry that the day will come where she'll lie down and won't be able to get up...I have visions of putting her down in her stall and then wrapping chains around her legs so the tractor can drag her to her grave. I fear one day she'll have another bout of ataxia, and this time she'll get hurt or maybe hurt someone else. And I worry that I'm being selfish in keeping her around, that it would be best - kinder - too just put her down and be done with it. I then find myself looking for signs from her that it has all become too much, she doesn't have any more fight in her and she's ready. Yet when I look in her eyes, they are bright and inquisitive, full of life. At feedings she eats everything up and she always looks for more. But I still wonder, who am I keeping her around for?

I had made a promise to myself originally: that if Angel was not better by the end of October, then I would put her down before winter and the ground froze. But I reneged, telling myself she was getting better, putting on weight even. I then made myself a new promise: I'll put her down when we move next year, at the new farm. This way she won't be left behind and I'll plant a Honeycrisp apple tree over her - my favorite type of apple for my favorite horse. Knowing myself, I'll probably find another reason on why she shouldn't be put down then, too.

To be perfectly honest, I want the easy way out: for her to go to sleep, under a beautiful tree, and feel no pain or fear. The reality is much harsher.

Putting a horse down is not like putting a dog, cat or any other animal down. There is no stainless steel table they lie on while getting the injection, held tightly by their owners. There is no slowing of respiration and heartbeat, no general ceasing of life. Instead its violent. The first shot is of phenytoin, to help control seizures. The second is a lethal dose of pentobarbital. Death is quick, within 30seconds, and again violent. The horse doesn't lie down and quietly go to sleep. No. Instead they drop to your feet, sometimes rearing up before collapsing, and convulsing before going rigid. One moment your standing at your horse's head, holding their lead rope while lovingly stroking their face as you tell them how much you love them. The next thing you know is they've dropped with enough force to shake the ground and the only thing you've still got is that lousy lead rope in your hands.

I don't care what anyone says, if you've never owned a horse you don't know what this is like. And I've owned dogs, cats, guinea pigs, and fish; it's not the same pain as losing a horse. I don't want to go through this with Angel, but I know I have to be there for her, in her last moments, as she has always been for me.